Thursday, April 22, 2010

Is Scottsdale the New Hollywood and Am I the Undead?

I understand it has been a while since I have written anything. Some changes have been made and for the record I would like to write them down for myself to remember and never look back. Ready? Here it goes... Johnny Walsh, History! John Cook, History! Okay Moving forward... haha wow that was easy...
So, I am a taken woman. Yet again I find myself a playing piece to the game of Love. His name is Ryson Gardner. He is a handsome young fellow and well, actually he is older than me and thats just the way I like it. Him and I started talking in February and then we have seen each other almost everday since! I would like to also state that when I started falling for him, I was in a good place mentally and emotionally. I wasn't feeling rebound or needy. Just self improved and independent. I am a new person and I have certain people to thank for those lessons. Won't name names but the lessons are:
Learn self worth. How much do you mean to yourself?
Learn to be happy by yourself. Would you be the last person alive and survive?
Learn to find distractions and keep busy. When was the last time you joined a club where you were able to try something new or meet new people?
And Lastly... Learn how to Stand Alone. I can't ephanize this question/lesson enough. Would you be able to experience and live life to it's fullest even though you wouldn't have anyone to share it with?
Now I'm not saying you shouldn't try to find someone to share life's adventures with. I know we weren't meant to be alone. Just don't feel like you need to find anybody even if they make you unhappy.
I am Scottsdale. The new Hollywood who is and wants to be a friend to all who want to be my friend. I will never turn someone away. I am very accepting and down to earth. I am upfront and honest. And loyal like a dog (man's best friend, haha in this case Ryson) who will never cheat, lie, or steal. I am drama free and high as a kite. I lift spirits and cheer up the sad or depressed.
Well, Thanks for reading and I'll keep writing :)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Lables or Love?

Life is like a runway. You have to put different outfits on everyday and strut the catwalk like you own the world inorder to be noticed. I love lables. I love fashion and feeling like a million dollars no matter where i go. And my handbags along with most of my clothes are expensive. I grew up wanting expensive things and I never want to give that up. I never want to settle thinking I cant get exactly what I want. I may not get it in the near future however I will get it one way or another. My dad has always taught me this. You want something bad enough, then dont stop til it's yours.
There are different people in my life who believe differently. I see how they look at life and know what things are important to them. I respect that and hope they respect how I see things through my eyes. With beautiful stars in my eyes, I will always use them to drive my determination and have the life I always used to dream about when I was a little girl.
The song by fergie called Lables or Love is kinda how I used to feel. I replaced people with shopping and spent most of my time and money at the mall. I have changed that in the past couple years and plan on working out my human relations and not my debit card. I have cut back and feel confident knowing I have friends and loved ones in my life. They truly helped me realize whats also important however I still feel like fashion is top on my list.
Glamour is fashion's best friend and my lover. I love feeling glamorous and perky. Happiness goes hand in hand with that feeling and I definitely feel it almost everyday. I just recently broke one of my biggest habits. I no longer bite on or tear my nails off everytime I get bored or nervous. They are so long and beautiful now and everyone is always asking me for a back scratch. lol :) My legs need a lot more work since I still have scars on them from my junior year of high school. Thank goodness there are ways to get rid of those. I am growing my hair out and if anyone suggests that I should cut my hair I will cry. Did it once for me and one other person and I will never go through that again. I have also started to use a little more makeup like eyeliners and different color shadows that look very nice.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Update to date

Today is Sunday. The beginning of the week, Or more like the beginning of my life as it has changed from yesterday.
Johnny and I haven't been getting along as best as we could be so we split. Not like the banana dessert or the kind where you get up and walk away from the last eighteen months you just spent with that person.
This kind of a split is the one that leaves you wondering why. Why did we have those arguments? Why didn't we care or take the time to understand? I just can't get up and walk away from the one who made me happy and laugh. Or the guy who I've been with the longest. That sort of thing stays with you. especially since he's the only one I've been engaged to.
What's life like now? Should I focus on only myself? Something I haven't done in a while. Every little thing I do reminds me of him. So do I try to do different things? What is the cure? Is there a cure? All that Johnny once promised is now gone. erased and will start again from the very beginning. But what about me? I want to pass Go and collect my $200.00 so I can gain what I need! I need a car, stronger ties to my friends, special bond with my family, go back to school, make enough to get out on my own, and I need to stay happy and calm through all that!!!!! Is that even possible????? Well, we shall find out soon enough.
Never loose your sense of wonder and always keep your doors open. Help others and in return you may find yourself receiving help. Faith is to believe in that which we cannot see. Touch with not only your hands but your mind and heart. Smell all the surprises waiting around the corner so you won't be taken off guard. Wish selflessly. Hope in all charitable things. Taste the rainbow. lol I love that one. And most of all, Always keep your heart open. If you do that, love will always find it's way in.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Getting Married? A Wedding?? HELP!!!

So, when I got this ring put on my finger and had to answer the question, "So, when are ya getting married?", I thought 'okay no biggy' ... OH but it's a Big Biggy!! Not only did I choose a date that is right around the corner, I also, have no idea on what to plan or how much it will cost!! The only thing I can think of is picking out that beautiful white dress and trust me I want it to be gorgeous!
Where do I start? What has to be done? More importantly... Am I Ready? Am I ready to full heartedly comitt to this one guy or any guy for that matter, for the rest of my life? Am I ready for the responsibilities and everything else which I don't even know about? Heart says, "I don't know... no i don't think so... and just screams for help through quiet depression..."
My parents don't know anything and feel out of the 'loop' called my life. Unintentional I promise. However, I am trying so hard to fight and figure out why my selfish, solo, personality is getting in the way of committing to love aka true happiness.
I love Johnny. I really do, however, there are times when I feel I would just be happier if I was by myself without anyone to answer to, worry about, or change my life for. It's hard being away from my family. I am still scared of the world and still feel the need to run home and cry on my mother's shoulder when my feelings get hurt or the world gives me a hard time. I will always be daddy's little girl too. I appreciate all the time he spent with me teaching me lessons I still apply to everyday life. My parents are my heroes and my sisters are my sidekicks! I love and miss them so much.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Something most people give out and hope it is returned and if its not, then they think no big deal. For others, its given out only to the people who give it to them first.

I am one of those people who will show respect and hope that I will get it back. However, that's not always the case.

Its a very big issue in our humanly world. People shouldn't have to sell their soul for respect. And if more people had respect for others and themselves then it would be a lot easier for others to respect them.

Disrespect- Any one got a good definition? I do...

A few days ago, I bought an alarm clock. Seems normal right? Not at my house. It was turned into this huge deal. My sister, who I still share a room with, complained about the alarm clock being too bright. Yeah right. It's your normal, average, ten dollar clock that tells the time. Not a lamp. So, she sleeps on the couch because she claims the clock keeps her from sleeping. I said, "Fine sleep on the couch, because I think your over exaggerating."

Well, my father calls me today and says that he thinks I need to compromise. Compromise what? Get rid of the clock I just bought, which I can't return since I threw the receipt and box in the garbage? I don't think so!

There's also a story behind this. Let me explain. Sara has these Love Birds in OUR room. I hate them. You would too, if you heard the awful sound they make. Trust me everyone I know like my friends and Johnny, will tell you that the sound the birds make is high pitched and two notes away from shattering glass!! It's annoying and they make the biggest mess! A mess that Sara ignores and isn't told to clean it up. I have asked her nicely and some days when I just can't stand it anymore, I clean it up for her! Now, tell me, is that giving me respect? Is that fair or even a compromise? Would I have to sleep out on the couch in order to be heard and get something done about it? No thanks. I sleep in bed and deal with my sister's mess hoping one day she realizes what a pig sty she lives in and will eventually clean up her act.

I tried to stand up for myself and my new addition, my alarm clock. However, my dad told me not to raise my voice, which in other words means don't question authority and I knew I was going to either compromise, or give up. So, I compromised. My alarm clock is covered with plastic that has sharpie marker all over it. My brand new alarm clock has to suffer now that it's under my PARENTS house.

I refuse to give in to such disrespect, however, it won't be much longer.

I encourage everyone who reads this to write about a respect issue of their own.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

~Scottish Rose Revised~

My life feels like it's back on track. Beautiful, happy and full of love. Which in my opinion is what keeps me going.
Roses have thorns, so does life. Some people like to describe it as a roller coaster, however, i save that to describe something else. I'm in a healthy relationship, the beginning of a good job, and will go back to school soon. I am going to major in psychology. So, if you ever need that help, look me up! :)
There are people I miss and wish I could spend more time with. One being my dad. I am looking forward to the weekend in the woods with him and his siblings. I see it as a chance to bond with them and really get to know my dad and his interests. Being Scottish is awesome and that is definitely something I wish I knew more about. When I was younger, I remember telling my parents I wanted to learn how to play the bag pipes! :)
Johnny is Irish and the names we have come up with for our future children are awesome!
Now, I know to protect the names I have come up with and will share them only after they are placed on a birth certificate. :)
The second night I spent with Johnny, he surprised me at my work with a single pink rose. I dried and saved it hoping it will last me a lifetime. Our one year anniversary is coming up and I've already dropped hints on the flowers I hope to receive.
The mind works in mysterious ways when it comes to thinking about anniversary gifts. The gift idea I received was so sudden and pure genius! I can't wait to get started on it next week. I'm hoping it won't take long to complete.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

...::~*Cinderella Story 2*~::...

Well, my day of being on top of the world was yesterday. I got the job, my new hire packet, and my schedule all figured out! 3 Cheers!!!

So I begin orientation on Monday at one pm. Pat, johnny's mom, comes home Monday at four pm, and my last work week at NYC begins and ends Saturday!! Yay!!

Melissa is so nice and I can't wait to start working my real shift at Express care on Monday the 22nd.

"It's like a dream come true!"

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep."

And I'll live happily ever after!